Earlier this week my counterpart J.D. Stoecker asked me who I thought would win the Superbowl. Without hesitation I responded Giants 31-28. After a moment he said “Great, now write an article on why the Patriots will win.” I loved the idea. Take all my reasons and justifications for the Giants winning and argue against them. A match of will against my only true rival, myself.

But as time went on I found it hard to write. Not because the inner Jet fan in me wouldn’t let me but because I literally have no interest in this Superbowl at all. Seriously, none. Not a single story line interests me. The matchup is one I couldn’t care less about. I do believe both teams deserve to be there but I just don’t care enough about either to want them to win… Or lose for that matter.

The first Superbowl I have memories from was Superbowl XXIX. The 49ers verse the Chargers. Now you would think that a blow out like that would have turned me off from the spectacle. But nay, I loved it. Even though my Jets have never reached the big game in the time since I have always found a storyline, team or player to root for. Till this year and it’s agonizing.

So what the hell am I going to do this year?! Sure I’ll “watch” the game. But not like past years. So I got to thinking. What does one do, when they are not fans of football but at a Superbowl party? With my radical thinking brain and the help of others I put together this list of things you can do at a Superbowl party. You know besides watch the game itself.

• Re-enact Oceans 11. I think I’ve mentioned this in enough posts that I just need to fulfill my destiny and make this happen. Although I’m torn between being Brad Pitts character or the little Asian guy.
• Award the best commercials. As far as I’m concerned it’s already down to Matthew Broderick’s and Jerry Seinfeld’s commercials. I couldn’t tell you what they were selling but I know they were cars and it made me smile. On the inside and out.
• Prop Bets- nothing spices up a meaningless game like some gambling. Add to the equation some ridiculous things to bet on and I’m all in. My current favorite prop bet is. If Tom Brady’s son is shown on TV will he be wearing a Tom Brady jersey? Not that exciting right. But the explanation is! From kick off until final whistle. Live pictures only, any taped pictures or past video does not count towards wager. Half time does not count towards wager. Book manager’s decision is final.Ha ha I see what you did there Mr. Book maker. Well Played sir.
  

  Totally Homo for this

   

• Puppy Bowl!!!! Hell yeah Ill watch me some puppies battle on the gridiron. I believe this is the point in modern culture where I am supposed to same “No homo” which doesn’t make sense at all. So I’m going to embrace the homo. Especially when that homo results in the adorable puppy scoring a touchdown!
• Pretend to be Kit from Knight Rider. Why? I’m not even going to dignify that ridiculous question with an explanation.
• Categorize my brother’s beanie baby collection by color and size. Now a lot of people say these things are no longer worth any money but I believe everything is cyclical and in about 7 years, assuming we survive the apocalypse, everyone will want these things again. And his collection will be the best.
• Make a love mix. Because I might meet that special someone at the party and I want to be prepared to show her how much I care.
• Go to a strip club. I don’t think this is particularly funny but considering this was my aunt’s contribution I had to add it in.
• Construct a meat stadium. What’s a meat stadium you ask? (See Below) Yup your weekend just filled up.

• Play Skyrim. Actually don’t do that. It will take over your life and break your PS3. Seriously.
• Read www.kevinsaysthings.com  Cause who doesn’t like to laugh?
• Take pictures of my goat trying to escape from his pen and getting stuck. And if you don’t have a goat… Ha ha suckers. It’s the best! Go buy a goat!
• Compare the players on the field to how you played in high school. You know that glorious career you had playing against fellow under developed teenagers. Actually don’t do this. You sound like an absolute douche bag. And there is no way I can sit through one of those conversations again.
• Have a seat belt fight like the one in Broken Arrow between Christian Slater and John Travolta. And if you don’t think this is funny then I’m sorry. That one was for me and Sean Rivers.
• This last one if for you football die hards out there. Dominate the poser. Every Superbowl party I’ve ever been to has a poser. The guy who pretends to know what the hell he’s talking about but is really just regurgitating everything he heard Trent Dilfer say the previous two weeks. Call him out for his nonsense and his inclusion of himself as part of the team when talking about the team he roots for. “We got screwed by Kevin Williams. We should be in this Superbowl!” says the bitter 49er fan. Oh really? I didn’t know you were on the team. I must have missed your name on the roster. Oh maybe it’s the practice squad. Oh not there either. Look if Patrick Willis comes out and says its cool then its cool. Let it go.

You know what? After all this I’ve realized I will watch the game. Probably drink more than usual but I’m going to watch it. Who knows, Maybe Giselle will have a wardrobe malfunction and make it all worth it.

Also please add to these ideas in the Facebook comment section below. I will be sending a gift to my favorite one!

You have your reason for watching. Now I have mine.

Perfection. Even the word itself sounds awesome. When you look at the word, you can almost imagine an illustrious glow coming off of it. But what is it about perfection that intrigues us? Is it the tremendous amount of skill it takes to achieve it? The flawless process that takes us there? Or the feeling of the utmost satisfaction we feel from accomplishing it? Here’s the real question: If we are so adamant about hitting perfection, why do we root against others seeking the same goal?

If you’re digging deep enough to be reading this article, you’ve already heard that the Kansas City Chiefs—yes, the Kansas City Chiefs—have knocked off the previously-perfect Green Bay Packers, 19-14. For Packers fans, this loss feels like all those untimely Brett Favre interceptions wrapped into one big bag of shit (with the exception of his pick against the Saints in the 2010 NFC Championship Game, which is probably their second-favorite non-Packers highlight, right behind “49ers select Alex Smith”). After they took out the Giants and the Raiders, 16-0 seemed inevitable, with the last 3 games becoming simply a formality. The conversation turned to: “Do you think the Saints will be able to beat them in the NFC Championship? Will the Superbowl add too much pressure? Can they get back-to-back undefeated seasons?” But then KC happened. And all of a sudden, everyone is back to earth. Parity is alive, there are no sure things, and as Bart Scott would say, “Anybody can be beat.”

How did this happen? The winning teams’ defense got to opposing teams’ QB, the winning teams’ offense controlled the clock; the winning team limited turnovers, etc. Sound familiar? It’s been literally the same game plan that has helped every single underdog defeat a highly favored NFL juggernaut. I’m not going to write an essay on what Kansas City did right, you can find a million different renditions of the same story all over the web and TV.

Rodgers was under constant pressure Sunday

Instead, I want to look at what made so many sports fans happy that this happened. Think about it—if you would have asked any sports fan before this week, “Are you rooting for the Packers to go undefeated?” everybody would have had an opinion. Not one person would have said “Hmmmm… I haven’t really been following it, either way is fine with me.” It’s something that has only been done once, and never in this schedule format. Who wouldn’t be interested? I’ve heard of non-Green Bay fans rooting for them for reasons like “It’d be cool to see”, “It would make the playoffs more exciting”, and (the most common) “To shut Mercury Morris up.” But when you ask someone who is rooting against them, including myself, the reason is always the same “Because I don’t want to see any team do it besides my own.”

As sports fans, we hate seeing other teams enjoy success when we have no ties to them. It hurts almost as much as losing. Think about it, Yankees fans. After blowing a 3 game lead to the Red Sox in 2004, you hit rock bottom. But after the nights of anger and solitude, you started thinking “Wait a second! The Cardinals could still beat them and continue Boston’s misery! Yes, it’s not over yet!” A 4 game sweep later, you felt just as sick, watching the Red Sox celebrate that title, didn’t you?

Even as kids, we feel upset when somebody else accomplishes what we want. For athletes, this is obvious. But it extends far beyond that category. Remember running for class president in school, taking it as a personal shot when your classmates voted a different student to the top? You hated that kid for the rest of the year. You felt a tinge of jealousy when your best friend got a higher score on their math test. Hell, you can’t even stand to see someone drink more than you.

When somebody asked me “Why don’t you want to see Green Bay go undefeated?” the best way I could wrap words around it was this: Imagine a smoking hot girl, 10, perfect body, etc. Here’s the kicker: She’s a virgin*. Everybody wants to be the one to sleep with her, obviously. Let’s say she’s been dating a guy for 13 weeks. The guy thinks he’s close. Do you want him to get what he wants– or do you hope she dumps him, finds herself back on the open market, and free for another man, like yourself, to take his shot at obtaining that Holy Grail?

This image still haunts Patriots fans

For fans of the other 31 teams out there, we kept our hopes alive; our hopes to be the first 19-0 team ever. We’ll continue to root against teams that even get a whiff of perfection, unless they are our own. And we’re proud of it. It is our natural competitive spirit to see the biggest and most powerful teams see their dreams crushed. For Packers fans, some continue to spin their totem tops, waiting for their nightmare to be realized, so they can wake up and still be undefeated. I know I’ve been doing the same since 2008, waiting to wake just in time to see Eli Manning’s desperation pass to Tyree be batted down by Harrison…maybe when a team really does go 19-0, I’ll be ready to come back to reality.

*She claims so, anyway. Mercury Morris seems to be convinced that he already has been there, done that

Nothing about this NBA season feels right, but that’s what a lockout will do to you. An accelerated free agency period and shortened training camps has made it hard to even know who’s on your team this year. The Chris Paul trade just added to this bizzaro NBA season. With Carmelo Anthony there were months of trade rumors and a long drawn out torture for Nuggets fans. When it came to Chris Paul it seemed like he was being sent to 4 different cities in a span of two days. The steroid version of the Melo trade. The Nuggets and the New Orleans Hornets got huge hauls for their fleeing superstar. The CP3 trade affected a lot more teams than just the two involved. Let’s take a look at the pieces involved and how this negatively/positively affected everyone in the past week.

Chris Paul – He got the hell out of New Orleans and landed in his desired huge market. Unfortunately, he landed with the Clippers and not the Lakers like he wanted. Can you imagine the emotional rollercoaster this guy has been riding? He went from joining the Lake-show to having to settle for the red headed step child of the Staple Center. For a guy who already has knee problems this has to be the scariest thing in the world. I’m pretty sure knees go to the Clippers to explode. Joining the Clippers is like buying a sports car that’s an automatic. Sure you’re in L.A. and its looks cool but you missed the point buddy and you’re kind of lame.

L.A. Clippers – I think the Clippers came out okay here. Anytime you can unload Chris Kaman and pick up Chris Paul you have to do it. Losing Eric Gordon hurts, but assuming Paul stays healthy and Chauncey Billups doesn’t turn into the villain he promises to be, your back court should be legit. My favorite part of this has been all the excitement of Chris Paul throwing Alley oops to Blake Griffin. Does it really matter who throws him passes? It’s going to be spectacular. Think about this; Baron Davis could barely wedge his fat ass through the sun roof of a Kia and he still made that dunk look awesome.

I personally would never cross this guy

David Stern – He’s ending his career with a nasty lockout and one of the most bizarre trade denials in sports history. This is unfortunate because he has arguably been one of the best sports commissioners of all time. Eventually, with time, people will forget this debacle but he couldn’t have wanted to go out like this. Or maybe he did. Maybe it was the last f*** you to the players. A chance to prove to everyone that he was calling the shots, not the players. Between Melo and the Heatles it certainly felt as if the players were running the show. The lockout and the veto successfully reasserted Stern as the Godfather. He gave them an inch, they took a mile. It will be interesting to see what Stern does in retirement. I bet he becomes a parking cop.

LA Lakers – To be honest, I loved watching this blow up in their faces. But hey, that’s just the Sacramento Kings fan in me. Not only did they miss out on an elite point guard, but they pissed off their emotionally sensitive reality star and had to trade him for next to nothing to the team that whooped them in the playoffs. This affects the Lakers in two ways; first it makes them a weaker team. Second it pisses off Mr. Egocentric Kobe Bryant. Now you are a weaker team with an upset superstar. This might be a long season for the Lakers. If they want any shot at Dwight Howard they will have to move Pau Gasol and Andrew Bynum. This cripples your team. Wait, what am I saying? Do it! Make the trade! Dwight’s personality will definitely mesh with Kobe’s. This won’t go bad at all!

Lamar Odom – The only way this gets better is if he somehow escapes the clutches of that ogre he’s married to. For a guy entering the end of his career there is no better situation than joining Mark Cuban’s Mavericks. That dude takes care of his players. I fully expect Odom to gain about 40 pounds this year.

Dell Demps- Watching the NBA veto the original trade was like watching some dudes wife at Christmas party tell everyone about his performance issues after she had a little too much eggnog. No one see’s that guy the same way anymore. Even though he did pull off the trade, the fact remains that he has no real power and everybody knows it.

Tougher decision than you thought, huh?

Dallas Mavericks – Sure you got a great player in Odom, but you got his baggage as well. There’s nothing cool about having the fourth hottest Kardashian at your games. Hell yeah I put Rob ahead of Khloe! (To be fair to my manliness I had to Google Rob to confirm his name for this joke).

Dan Gilbert- Congratulations! Your bitchy email ruined all chances of ever signing a significant free agent again! Gilbert already had a tough challenge with trying to sell people on Cleveland, now factor in his douchiness and you’ve lost all hope. Lastly, how in the hell did Yahoo! Sports get this email? This goes to prove that if Yahoo! Sports is anywhere near you, and you’re an athlete, you’re pretty much screwed.

Tim Tebow – The CP3 trade had nothing to do with Tebow, but our last post about him got over 1,000 shares on Facebook so we are really going to milk it. Praise Jesus!

Here we are in week 15. This the the point of the fantasy football season where we separate the men, from the men who have been reading this blog, or the women and women who read this blog. It’s 2011 and I know tons of women who play fantasy football and I think that’s as sexy as a belly button piercing!

The wire. It’s completely picked through by this point. If someone dropped Felix Jones in your league, grab him. As good as Demarco Murray was for ten minutes he also happens to be fragile like that Christmas gift you just shipped your mother. Jones get the touches.

Demaryius has been the top target for Tebow

DeMaryius Thomas has three touchdowns in last two weeks. He’s played great now that Tebow realizes how great of a weapon he is. Big, fast, strong, combo for big stats. What’s more inspiring is that even though he’s played good, he’s also dropped a lot of passes meaning this week he could be grrrrreat as Tony The Tiger would say. Shut up, I know that was corny. If you need more convincing the Patriots secondary has been pitiful this year. Tebow tends to really draw defenders to come up and play their chances with him scrambling. Thomas’ touchdown from last weekend against the Bears was as easy as it gets, and that was against a really good defense. Imagine how things will look against a not really good defense. The emergence of Thomas and Decker is exactly why Denver was comfortable kicking Brandon Lloyd to the curb even though he lead the NFL in receiving yards last year.

There’s a lot of turmoil in Miami right now with the firing of Coach Sparano but Reggie Bush has been great the last few weeks. I always wondered if he was ever going to really produce as a running back in the NFL. The answer still hasn’t been tested against a long period of time. Bush has a similar quality to Tebow in that, he’s very capable of making big plays, you just really have to be creative and play to his strengths. I think Miami has done a spectacular job of doing that lately. His production the past few weeks reflects that and he’s definitely a solid fantasy start. For the first time in Bush’s career, I was playing against him in fantasy football and worried about how big of a game he might have. It was a strange moment.

Let’s stay with Brandon Lloyd for just a second. As much as Josh McDaniel has systematically destroyed the offense in St. Louis, Lloyd has actually produced, well. I knew he was going to be okay in St. Louis but he has definitely exceeded my expectations since his arrival. I’m pretty sure he’s the only guy the Rams throw to unless it’s Steven Jackson out of the backfield. Kudos to Lloyd and Jackson for being the only thing worth watching on that team.

Toby Gerhart and Brandon Jacobs have had a solid past few weeks. That was a blip. The starters have returned from injury. Jacobs is still a solid flex play because he’s an ox on the goal line but don’t expect  as many opportunities with Bradshaw back.

This is Doug. He is pretty good at football.

Doug Baldwin? He’s the receiver for the Seahawks. The Seahawks? It’s not as bad as you think. When Tavaris completes a pass it’s usually to this guy. Baldwin is an extremely hard working receiver and has continued to improve week to week. He’s an undrafted rookie and has become the number one receiver and produced in a short amount of time. He played really well last week against a sorry Rams team. I’m going to put a disclaimer on him now: He has a lot of upside but there are two things that worry me about him. First, he hasn’t gotten into the end zone very often this season because if the Seahawks are even close the ball is going to Marshawn Lynch to prevent Jackson from throwing an INT. The second, he’s playing against the Bears this week. If you’re desperate and want to roll this dice, this could be for you.

Shonn Greene finally showed up this year! Greene had only his second 100 yard rushing game of the season. He showed up big with 58 yards receiving and a score as well. Hopefully he can get that momentum to keep rolling, and I think he will against Philly. The Eagles defense reminds me of Oregon, they want to outscore you and force you to play uptempo and throw the ball so they can rush the passer. This has been a fail because their offense has been very mediocre. Teams that run the ball have been a real problem for the Eagles because they don’t have a run-stopper in the middle. The Jets run the ball. Great start this week.

Speaking of a players resurgence, Antonio Gates is finally healthy and has been on fire the last few weeks. I have personal ties to that so I’m really pulling for him to continue this streak for my squad. He had two scores last weekend and has always been Phillip Rivers’ go to guy. They’re playing the Ravens this week who will get after Rivers often. I’m sure Gates will be the beneficiary of that with Rivers having to check down and get the ball out.

Last but not least, the kickers. I haven’t given them enough credit, until now. David Akers is dominating! He’s had 10 or more almost every week! Here’s why, Alex Smith can’t score but he NEVER turns the ball over in the red zone. Great combination for fantasy superstar kicker. Matt Prater is my pick of the week. How could he not be? He hit two huge kicks for Denver last weekend, one being from 59 yards. I expect the Broncos to put points on the board this weekend against the Patriots D. The Patriots defense is As sad as Lamar Odom is about being traded. Zing!

For those of you keeping track of my team, I’ve got seed number one in the playoffs at 12-2 and looking to keep it rolling. Good luck to those reading this blog and mowing through the playoffs like I’ve been doing.

Tim Tebow is everywhere. This week he takes on the Golden Boy Tom Brady. If you had to design the perfect quarterback you model him after Brady. Brady is a winner, as is Tebow. But the similarities end there and this drives people crazy. Today we are going to examine why so many people have come to hate…. Tebow Time.

You hate him because his arms are bigger than yours and your girlfriend knows it.

You hate him because he was home schooled and home schooled kids are weird.

You hate him because he has a chiseled Jaw.

You hate him because he wears his beliefs on his sleeve. Or eye black/wrist band.

Tebow Time!!!

You hate him because he had an autobiography written at age 24.

You hate him because you’ve never been able to pull off the jump pass.

You hate him because he wasn’t supposed to get drafted in the first round.

You hate him because he was in a commercial celebrating his relationship with his Mom and people took it as a pro life message.

You hate him because you want to draft a QB in next year’s draft but has making it near impossible to do so. (This one is directed at John Elway)

You hate him because you got Tebowed.

You hate him because Skip Bayless loves him.

You hate him because no matter how bad he is in the first 3 quarters, he turns into a different player in the 4th.

You hate him because he is the only man that could kill Chuck Norris.

You hate him because no one ever mentions his defense, Matt Prater’s clutch leg, or Willis McGahee’s resurgence. Even though everyone always mentions his defense, Matt Prater’s clutch leg and Willis Mcgahee’s resurgence.

You hate him because he’s saving himself for marriage.

Because he's strong and sensitive

You hate him because the Green Bay Packers are 13-0 and no one is really talking about it.

You hate him because 3 guys are on pace to break Dan Marino’s single season passing yards mark and no one talks about them.

You hate him because everyone else is doing it.

You hate him because you don’t know him and you refuse to read past headlines and the talking heads of ESPN.

You hate him because no matter how many reasons there are for why he shouldn’t succeed, he does.

You hate him for being the role model that sports has been dying for.

You hate him because he didn’t actually win a game, the other team lost it. Every week. Tebow isn’t responsible for any of this. None.

You hate him because no matter how many over the top and even rude questions that people ask him he smiles and responds with more class than anyone you’ve ever seen.

You hate him because he’s a better person than you. That’s right, I said it. Think about this, many people watch reality shows for the drama and how crappy their lives are so the viewer can say “Geez, at least my life’s not like THAT.” This is the same reason you want to see him fall. It will make you feel better about you. I’ll bet that struck a chord, it’s because it’s true.

You hate him because you can’t explain him, and we always fear what we do not understand.

As you can see these are all ridiculous reasons to hate Tim Tebow. But people do and it blows our minds. Enjoy the ride folks. We’d rather listen to stories about Tebow all day compared to coaches raping young boys, linebackers shooting guns in neighborhoods or fights breaking out after basketball games.

You're just jealous

The setting: Community center meeting room. Man standing at the front. He looks scared and slightly irritated.

Drew: Hi my name is Drew and I’m surrounded by 49er andRaider fans.

Group: Hi Drew

Drew: I’m surrounded by all these fans and I’m not a fan of either. I’m a Jets fan. Which is stressful enough but considering I’m usually the only Jets fan people know I have to hear about it constantly when they lose. But I’m ok with that. You should get some shit for your team losing. But those were the good old days. Now I deal with something much worse. I deal with fans that cheer for teams that are actually good. It’s….. well it’s a nightmare. (tear rolls down his cheek)

(End Scene)

Is it really a nightmare? No of course not. But it can beannoying. Before we get too far into this I’d like to point out this is more focused on 49er fans than Raider fans. And don’t think you are getting off easy Raider Nation. I’ve just learned to tune you out after years of annoyance. You can’t tell me that dressing up like a jackass every weekend and only showing up to your teams games when they are winning isn’t annoying. So for the rest of this post we will shift our focus to the 49ers.

To know where you’re going you have to know where you’ve been. The 49ers have 5 Superbowl championships. They have 20 players in thePro Football Hall of Fame. They had the best quarterback in NFL history with Joe Montana. They had the best receiver in NFL history with Jerry Rice and one of the best coaches of all time with Bill Walsh. This has truly been one of the greatest franchises in NFL history.

But they haven’t had a winning record since 2002 and tha thas led many fans astray. It’s hard to remember the good times when you’ve had to deal with one losing team after another for the last 9 years. Quarterbacks like Trent Dilfer, JT O’Sullivan and Giovanni Carmazzi would drive any fan insane. Factor in the Mike Singletary debacle and it’s impossible to stay positive. It’s hard to remember what it’s like to be a winner.

Now let’s focus on the positive. You are 8-1. You have the second best team in the league. You have arguably the best defense and rushing offense in the league. And best of all Alex “baby hands” Smith is no longer making dumbass mistakes and is in fact winning you games. Jim Harbaugh has led you out of the dark ages. You are back. You are a legitimate threat to win a Superbowl. Now act like it.

Recently on Facebook a friend/49er fan complained about how no one gives his 49ers credit for being 8-1 and they always follow a compliment with a “But”. He wanted people to be happy for the 49ers and to give them their credit. Another friend went on to say that they didn’t know cheering on your team was a crime. Again referring to the “hate” they were receiving for being a 49ers fan.

Well guess what? Get used to it. You are a good team now and if a person is not a fan of your team they will not give you full credit unless you win the Superbowl. But 49er fans have forgotten this. They are so used to being losers that they don’t know what it’s like to be a winner anymore. Do you think the 49er fans were getting high fives from Cowboy fans when Joe hit Dwight Clark in the back of the endzone for the win? Hell no! They immediately started talking about why they wouldn’t win the Superbowl. No one hates on a bad team. Can you seriously think of anyone that hates the Los Angeles Clippers? No you can’t because they suck and have pretty much always sucked. The 49ers are good and until they win a championship people will find flaws. You know like the secondary. So don’t take it personal. Take it as a compliment. Kind of like when a guy hits on your girlfriend. That’s a compliment. You have a good looking girlfriend. High Five! If people don’t hit on your girlfriend then you have an ugly girlfriend. That’s a YOU problem! So if no one is tearing down your team that is because your team sucks and doesn’t pose a threat.

So bask in the hate my 49er brothers and sisters. You’ve earned it. Let the critics talk and judge. Yeah it’s true that no one really trust Alex Smith yet but really when it comes down to it…. Defense wins championships.

It’s getting to that point in the season where we start separating the wheat from the chaff, on the field and in our cyber fields of fantasy. At this point your league probably has the two or three players that are clear favorites, four to six guys who might scrap their way into the playoffs, and another three or four teams who are completely out. If your team is completely out of it, stop reading because I can’t help you anymore, and if your team is that bad clearly you haven’t been reading my instructions to fantasy glory.

There are still some teams out there with byes so pay attention to your rosters! I don’t just mean on a week to week, look a few weeks ahead. Bye’s are not a reason to lose, unless you stink. The other good part of being mid-season is that you have a pretty good feel for your team at this point and there are fewer and fewer players emerging as fantasy sleepers this year. With that being said, when you see injuries now you need to have to mentality of grab their back up and ask questions later. Early in the season you can go with the watch list route, the fantasy wire is way too thin now so be aggressive. Be, be aggressive. Darmarco Murray was the last superstar to appear out of now where but there’s very little chance that he’s still available. If he is, you can no longer brag about winning your league.

Roy Helu emerged finally last weekend! I’ve been waiting for him all season because I think that guy has a ton of talent but just needed a shot in Mike Shanahan’s stable of running backs. The reason I really think he’ll be an asset moving forward is his ability to catch the football. He caught 14 balls last week. 14!? That’s more than Kim Kardashian has caught since her divorce! Zing! Tim Hightower is out so I see Helu really getting a grunt of the touches for the Redskins now. He’s still available in about half of the Yahoo fantasy leagues. Wake up team owners!

Sticking to running backs, Willis McGahee smashed the Raider defense last week (I know from personal experience, he single-handedly  ruined my perfect season. It stung even worse being a Bronco fan. I didn’t know whether to cheer or cry). Here’s why Willis had such a big game, the spread option that Tebow runs so well! McGahee struggled in the first half to move the ball, after Tebow ran over the century mark the Raiders had trouble deciding which runner to stop. That indecision lead to tons of yards for both of them. I think we will see more and more of that now that the Broncos are running a Tebow-friendly offense and not the non-sense they were calling his first two weeks under center. I also would like to make a bold prediction that the Broncos have a shot to win the AFC West, before you tell me I’m crazy remember how crappy that division is. The Raiders just lost to Denver. The Chiefs just lost to Miami, who had just lost to Denver, and Phillip Rivers is leading the league in completed passes… to the other team! Zing! One more and I’m on fire if were playing NBA Jam rules.

Did anyone see a #CJWhoK sighting last week? I’m trying to get that hash tag to trend on Twitter so feel free to jump on board. He played strong on the first two series’ of the game then just disappeared like Joe Paterno’s legacy at Penn State. ZING! I’m on fire baby! Boomshakalaka!

Two backup running backs you need to make sure are still starting running backs because the starter is injured: Michael Bush and Brandon Jacobs, both physical tough runners who do well with a high volume of touches. The problem is that the neither is really a feature back, until a few great weeks like this where the guy they say that there’s no animosity towards for taking their starting spot is out. Ahmad Bradshaw and Darren McFadden were both out last week and still questionable for this week. Flex those back ups!

I scrolled through the fantasy wire to give you guys an underdog pick. I didn’t have to scroll far, Scott Chandler! Who? He plays tight end for Buffalo. He had a big game two weeks ago against the Redskins, dismal against the Jets but they are finally playing like their supposed to so don’t let that scare you. Chandler is playing against Dallas who has let up the most fantasy points to any tight end in the last five weeks and are the second highest for the entire season. Cha-Ching!

I’ve closed all of my fantasy articles with an update on my own squad to let it sink just how much I know. This past weekend I suffered my first defeat, to one of my best friends and fellow thirddownback.com writer Drew Garrison. There was never a more entertaining game that you couldn’t actually watch on television. In fact, if someone would like to compile a list of highlights of the players that we had playing last weekend I would greatly appreciate it and I can forward you our rosters. I won’t pay you though. Do something out of the goodness of your heart sucker. So I am now 8-1 on the season and looking for a redemption weekend.

I don’t get fired up about a lot, ok that’s a lie, but what happened to Joe Paterno today was a travesty and an example of how our media is, in large, inept.

Never will you find me protecting a child molester and before I rant about the raw deal JoePa got handed, I will say that I am 100 percent against what Sandusky has allegedly done and I believe Paterno should have done more. That word “allegedly” is strong, and comes into play big time here. Let’s not forget Sandusky, along with the AD and Vice President, have not been found guilty of anything in a court of law. So why are we persecuting the only man not on trial here?

Paterno has been an institution in his own right for the last 46 years as the head coach at Penn State, a head coach that insists the young student athletes that come to his university to play football are students first, gentlemen second and athletes third. This is the same head coach that had his players clean the stadium after games because he wasn’t happy with decisions they were making. He has been a class act for almost half a century in a time where many top collegiate programs have been accused of cheating scandals, paying their players and other transgressions.

Ten years ago, Joe had a lapse in judgment and did not push hard enough for what he knew was right. This grandfatherly figure let children down when he didn’t go to the police with what he heard from one of his grad assistants. He did, however, follow protocol and report this to his superiors—superiors he had worked with for quite some time and had become trusted friends of his.  The New York native is an old school guy and trusted these men would investigate. None of us really know what happened next, none of us know if Joe went to his boss everyday and asked what was going on with this or if he ignored it. That’s the point—none of us know.

What we do know is that he told the Grand Jury what he knew and what he did once he found out about these accusations. What we also know is that Sandusky is being accused of molestation, the AD and Vice President accused of lying and the cover up and a grad assistant allegedly saw these occurrences take place and wasn’t  man enough to do something about it. So why is Paterno guilty and out of a job? It’s because the media became upset when they couldn’t get the answers the felt they deserved; both two years ago when they started asking questions and this week, when Penn State cancelled Paterno’s press conference.

If you’re a parent and you don’t feel that you can trust Joe Paterno then send your kids somewhere else. Go ahead and send them to “the U” where they can get paid, not go to class and live the life on South Beach with the future leaders  of this country ( I’m new to this blog, but I assume you can all sense sarcasm). Wouldn’t you rather send your son to an institution where he can win games AND graduate, not to mention learning how to become a man from a self-built Italian American who is living the American dream? That’s up to you, but don’t allow the media to make one man’s indiscretions and Paterno’s weakness ten years ago run one of the most influential leaders college athletics has ever seen out of town.

Truth is, I don’t care about Penn State or anything that happens outside of California (mainly joking) but a good man fell to the media today. And to the members of the media, I simply say Scoreboard:

JoePa- 409   Media Assholes-1

I like to stay up to date on the happenings in the world. I thirst for information on politics, international issues and the latest gossip about Prince William and Kate. I am also a liar. I couldn’t care less about any of these things. If it’s not on ESPN then I don’t really care. So I have to turn to other places for my worldly knowledge. My greatest source of information comes from my Twitter followers. I didn’t understand what #occupywallstreet was. From what I understood it was lots of people who liked to sloppily write down their problems on a piece of paper and take pictures of it. Turns out it was a bit more complicated as pointed about by the great Kevin Shively. In 140 characters he described it this way “end the fed, fuck Nordstrom, I hate my parents, I have no job, find me a job, I’m stoned, did I mention I hate my parents?” Needless to say I totally get it now. So I figured hey if these people can stand on the street waiving signs instead of just working than so can I. But I’m low on poster board and I got a Justin Bieber concert coming up so I’m going have to just #occupysports here on Thirddownback.

When it comes to sports these are the players, coaches, teams and sports related things in general I would occupy.

#occupyNBAlockout These owners clearly don’t know what the hell they are doing. Owners pay $21 Million a year to guys like Gilbert Arenas. On the flip side these uneducated players (cough Kevin Garnett cough) are showing up to negotiations with nothing but fight music playing in their Dre beats head phones. I need to intervene. 50/50 split. No contracts over 4 years. And David Kahn must be tarred and feathered.

#occupyFootballgameannouncers There are some gems among you but overall you are terrible. You will be sacrificed and somehow I will channel all of your souls into Gus Johnson and Keith Jackson. This of course will make them immortals and give them the ability to call every football game. You’re welcome America.

#occupyOaklandRaidersfrontoffice The Raiders have done a truly amazing job of remembering Al Davis. But eventually you have to move on. Of course you can’t do that when you trade away two first round picks for a Quarterback who hasn’t been good since 2006. It’s time to intervene. The front office cannot be trusted to make responsible decisions anymore. Your fans deserve better. I will come in and stop drafting for speed and bringing in players that destroy locker rooms. Which is exactly what Carson Palmer will do when Jason Campbell comes back.

#occupyOaklandcoliseum Actually maybe the fans don’t deserve better. After years of blackouts the Raiders finally started selling out the
stadium. Now they are having issues again. You have a great team! Show up and support them. I threaten to move the team and inspire the fans to act. If they don’t I move to San Jose or LA. Before the Jaguars get there.

#occupytampabay Speaking of bad fans got me thinking of the worst fan base in all of sports. The Tampa Bay Rays fans. You have an
unbelievably talented team and you still don’t show up. On a radio show a Rays fan tried to defend the lousy attendance on the fact the Rays hadn’t played the Red Sox or Yankees enough. Are you kidding me?! The other team should not be the draw. This is where I step in. We move the Rays or fold them up all together. There are plenty of other deserving cities who will appreciate what they have. Im thinking Sacramento.

#occupyTomBrady If I have to explain why you would want to occupy Tom Brady then we might want to look into some help for you. I’m a Jets fan and I still want this guy’s life.

#occupyTimTebow Just to see if he can in fact turn water into wine.

#occupymettaworldpeace Metta has to be one of the craziest/smartest people on this planet. He went into the stands and brawled with fans! But everyone has forgotten that and now he gets invites to compete with dancing on the stars. How does someone make that move?! He really is a
genius. So we are going to occupy his house and make him explain how you go from public enemy number one to that awkward basketball player on Dancing with the Stars. Oh and also the guy that thanks his psychiatrist after winning a NBA title. Amazing. I would take Metta and run him for president. The only thing that can save this country is a little bit of crazy and thats where Metta comes in.

#occupyRickReillyonTV Rick Reilly is so painful to watch on TV he makes me want to gouge my own eyes out. Watching him try to convey any emotion is like watching a Porn Star trying to sell that she really is an innocent housewife with a broken washer. Sorry lady I don’t believe you and you have no idea where that wrench has been. So I say we storm ESPN and lock Reilly in a room where he can only write articles for the website and live in Bill Simmons shadow.

#occupyathletesontwitter Actually never mind. Let’s let them do their thing. They are digging their own graves. Ha

#occupyterrelowensworkout Cause no one else did. And I want him to feel special.

#occupyhandsomemansguide I would occupy this group because you’re guaranteed to have a good time. Check this out. Boom!

Now let’s get into some picks!

Titans

Texans -10

Panthers -3.5

Saints -14

Ravens -13

Giants -10

Redskins +6

Lions -3

Steelers +3

49ers -9

Bengals

Cowboys +3.5

Chiefs +4

Last week 6-7

Overall Record 49-50-4

Losing record….. Terrible

Despite all my efforts last week I still went 5-6-2. Maintaining my average to below average run this season. Fortunately I am still making money by betting on the right games. So lets get into week seven and hopefully break out of this funk.

Bears -1.5 at Bucs

Did the Bears really did figure out how to protect Jay Cutler? We are all in big trouble.

Redskins +3 at Panthers

John Beck has come out numerous times saying he should be the starter. Well here is your chance big mouth. Dont blow it!

Chargers +1 at Jets

This is purely a reverse jinx attempt on my part.

Texans +3 at Titans

Just enough weapons to get it done for the Texans.

Broncos over the Dolphins

The Dolphins are pushing Tim Tebow big time to sell tickets. Thats when you know you have a horrible team. If I was them I’d push Brandon Marshall over the edge and embrace his mutiple personalities.

Falcons at Lions -4

Matt Stafford bounces back big time in this one. Falcons continue to be a not very good team. At the end Jim Schwartz will slap Mike Smith right in the face.

Chiefs at Raiders

Raiders win even with Kyle Boller behind center. It doesnt take much to hand off to Mcfadden and let him take off.

Steelers at Cardinals +4

I still think the Steelers are old and pretty much done for. Im looking at Larry Fitzgerald to go off in this one.

Rams at Cowboys

No Sam Bradford kills an already struggling team. The Cowboys should roll them.

Packers -10 at Minnesota

I usually try to stay away from a spread this big during a rivalry game but with Christian Ponder starting you have to take it. Plus Aaron Rodgers is playing on a completely different level right now.

Colts +14 at the Saints

The Colts have ben playing well in primetime and Saints have been playing real ugly the last few weeks. Curtis Painter gets his first win this week.

Ravens -9 at Jaguars

Everyone laughed at me when I said the Ravens were my favorites to win the Superbowl. Now more and more people are feeling that way. I just thought you should know that.

Good luck this week. Win that money!

Last week 5-6-2

Overall 43-43-4