By Drew Garrison
My overall record is 38-37-2. This kills me. I don’t do average. Its not how I was raised. You know by former Olympians in both winter and summer games (Don’t fact check me). So I’m going to put some more effort in. Both with my picks and fantasy football. Sorry real life but I got some money to win and I cant bother with things like work, the gym and child support payments (Again, don’t fact check me). With all that said, lets get into some sports talk.
The chosen one, Tim Tebow
Ive never had a whole lot of respect for the Denver Broncos. Not sure why. Its probably my distaste for the entire state of Colorado and its sports teams. Just something about them bothers me. But I have to tip my hat to the smartest franchise in the NFL right now. Well at least the smartest franchise that has a terrible team. Starting Kyle Orton was the right choice. According to practices he gave you the best chance to win. Which is the reason you play the game. Weird I know. But we all knew it wasnt going to workout. Kyle Orton was the safe choice. It made sense. It was kinda like going to college with a girlfriend. Sure you had some guaranteed strange every time you came home and you weren’t sure how college girls were going to be. And than you got to college and lost your mind. Had the time of your life and realized college girls are down. College girls are Tim Tebow but with no morals. Hey we all knew you would come to this realization but you had to see it for yourself. Orton was safe, but not fun and ultimately a loser. Tebow is a blast in a glass and your fans will love it. No matter what happens the Broncos win. If Tebow kills it you finally know what you have in the kid and you can build around him. If he sucks, the fans will finally shut up about him and you draft Andrew Luck. Genius!
New York Jets
Dr. Santonio Holmes,
Thank you for calling out the offensive line in the worst way possible. You basically told them they shouldn’t have a job in the NFL. I understand you are frustrated but that doesn’t give you an excuse to be a douche bag and air out your dirty laundry to the media. Keep that in house. I hope that Brandon Moore followed up his comments with a swift ass kicking. You certainly deserved it. Shut your mouth and just play.
Oh and stop celebrating first down catches. That’s your job and overall not very impressive. Get over yourself. Act like you’ve been there before. You can however celebrate after touchdowns. Because I really enjoy the “I’m a jet!” celebration. So does my friend, JT.
My dream was achieved this year. I became a season ticket holder of a professional sports team. Unfortunately that team plays in the NBA. So much like the players I am locked out. Oddly enough I still had to continue payments on my tickets. Bastards. Unlike the NFL lockout, I don’t see this coming to an end in time to salvage a season. How do I know this? Because we have people with High School educations negotiating. Its ridiculous. Kevin Garnett almost had to be restrained this week. Really? During a labor meeting?! Really? A huge red flag should have been the attire of most of the athletes. This is a fake conversation I had with Carmelo Anthony this week.
Me: Hey Melo, where you headed?
Melo: The stupid labor meetings. I wish we could just play ball.
Me: Me too Melo. Me too. So are you gonna change?
Melo: No. Why would I change. I look good.
Me: Yeah sure. You look good if you are headed to an underground music show inhabited by hipsters. But you are headed to a labor negotiation which has thousands of jobs at stake. Maybe you should dress accordingly.
Melo: (Stares Blankly)
Me: Well that settles that. That one year at Syracuse really did wonders for you Melo. Have fun. Good luck being taken seriously.
Newsflash guys you are meeting with your bosses. These dudes have made millions of dollars. Even more than you. So have some respect. I don’t know how Derek Fisher hasn’t slapped all of you in the face for dressing like a bunch of idiots.
In all seriousness if the NBA loses the entire season I will not watch it again. It will be dead to me. They’ll need a steroid filled home run race to get me back.
Last Week- 8-5
Overall Record- 38-37-2